Day 25

So this should technically be like day thirty something, but I haven't blogged in a few days. Mostly because I haven't been remembering or have had access to a computer until like 5 o'clock.

But hopefully now I can get back to my blogging once a day thing. Next week in spring break so I should have some time to do all my blogging once a day and all that.

That's really all I have to say, so yeah.

Day 24

I'm going to watch 28 Days Later right now.
I just wanted to make sure that I blogged before midnight.
TOODALOO!

Day 23

Co-dependent people are annoying. I don't think someone over the age of 10 should depend on someone else to do everything for them. I mean, there are a few aspects that someone can need help with, but in general a person should not have to be dependent.

Maybe I'm weird for thinking this way, but I've been independent for the bulk of my life and I can't imagine living my life any other way. Under no circumstance do I think that I should have to fully depend on someone else. I've past that point in my life and don't plan on going back any time soon.

This was really short because I'm not in the mood to write something long and emotionally draining.

Day 22

So I was talking to one of my friends on the phone and he made me realize something about myself; I don't really know how to take compliments well.

To me, it's strange for a guy to say that I'm cute or something because it doesn't happen often. The only people who have consistently said that I was cute are my family, but I don't think that counts. I just don't get compliments about my looks often so it makes me slightly uncomfortable. Not necessarily a bad uncomfortable, just awkward uncomfortable.

I think that the last time someone told me that I was cute was on the bus in the 6th grade. I remember I was wearing a pink shirt and I'm pretty sure that it was near Valentine's Day because I had won a bear or something from one of my teachers. I can't remember what we were talking about, but I recall him saying that I was cute. I almost had a damn heart attack. No one had ever called me cute before, much less a BOY. Thinking back on it now, I was so retarded.

I guess as I'm getting older, more men are noticing me. Which is good, I guess. As much as I want to be noticed, I enjoy a certain amount of obscurity. I know that I can't have it both ways, so I'll have to find a balance of the two.

Day 21

I've never really thought that my looks were appealing to the opposite sex, but apparently I have some features that are. The thing I don't really like is that if someone thinks I have a pretty face, most of the time they don't take the time to get to know my personality or they just go on with their lives. It sucks because it makes me second guess myself on every aspect of my looks. It's like, is there something wrong with my face? or do I look fat today? or some other dumb shit that shouldn't matter.

Maybe I'm just insecure about myself more than others, but it seems like other girls don't have the same feelings as I do. It's depressing because it makes me seem more damaged than I already am. I'm probably wrong about this, but that's the way it seems to me. I feel as if I have to try so much harder than other girls and don't get the same gratification as they do. I really don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes it seems that guys are attracted to me one week, but then the next it's like I don't exist or that I have an extra arm or something growing out of my neck.

I guess I'll just have to go through the motions and deal with whatever happens in my currently nonexistent love life.

Day 20

So I'm going revert back to my usual depressing self diagnosing of my problems since I have a powercord again. Let's see, today me thinks I'm going to talk about my sociopathic tendencies.

By my definition, a sociopath is someone who fakes empathy and does not have regard to others' feelings. I'm not like this all the time, but sometimes I just don't give a fuck about other people. I think it's even come to the point where I hate people in general. I am slightly misanthropic also. The root of my misanthropy is the fact that I have a lot of pride; basically, I feel that most of the human species is beneath me. This is a huge problem in itself. I don't know why I am like this, but that's the way I am.

I truly believe that about 30% of the population is full of idiots. I have no time for people beneath my intelligence level, as I have said many times before. In order to be considered a sociopath, you have to have antisocial personality disorder. People with this disorder are very manipulative and care not for the rights of others. I do share some traits with someone who has the disorder such as I don't really care about the feelings of other people or don't know why they feel a certain way when I don't, and I am very narcissistic. It really bothers me that I can't sympathize with a lot of people and that I have to fake feelings.

I have no idea what is wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it. I really don't think that there is some magic cure for me. I fear that I will have to deal with all of my problems my whole life and that scares the shit out of me. Because one day I'm just going to snap mentally and be placed in some mental hospital somewhere.

Day 19

I'm really no good at blogging on the specific day anymore. I just forget a lot to do things. Oh well.

Nothing really important or mind blowing has happened, except that the Americans are kicking ass at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. Like seriously, we are handing the competition their asses when it comes to medal counts. The only thing that pisses me off is the fact that so many people are against Apolo Ohno for speed skating. I mean the guy is now considered the most decorated winter Olympian, so he's kinda good. People bitch and moan that he doesn't have like 5 gold medals, but they are only considering medal counts jerkoffs. I might be a little biased, but I can't deny that he is a good skater and deserves the praise for his winnings. Bitches just don't know how to be supportive of their own country's athletes. Bastards.

Other than my ranting about the Olympics, the day has been good. Despite the fact that I couldn't find any Miyuzaki movies at Ed McKay's, I had a delightful day. Hopefully the drive back to Charlotte will be good. I bet it will be.

Day 18

So, I wasn't in my house or near any computer before now and I'm writing now.

Why do I always fuck up my life?
Like, seriously. Here's what happened...
I was out with a couple of friends from high school.. This is beside the point. Anyway, we were getting along great all evening and then we get into my car so I can drop him off at his car. He looks at me and shifts his body away from me.

I have no idea what happened. From what he said, I gather that I said something offensive or hurtful. But the thing is, I have NO idea what I said to make me feel that way.

Maybe he was kidding, but it threw me off like crazy. I'll just have to investigate further...

Day 17

Again I get to use my roommate's computer to type this. Even though I am doing this on a computer, I am not going to divulge the secrets to my psyche until I get back on my own computer, which should be tomorrow. My mom informed me that the replacement powercord for my computer has arrived, and also that my car is back from the shop. My sister said that it looks really nice and brand new. I'm happy about that.

So tomorrow I have to do my taxes and all that good stuff. It is going to be so fucking boring and shit. I really don't want to do it, but I have to. Taxes are just so much of a hassle. Bleh.

I also think that my roommate and I might go to the beach sometime over spring break if she gets some money and I don't have to work or anything. I'm not really a big fan of the beach, but I figure that I should go every once in a while. Plus, I think it'd be fun with her there. I don't know if I mentioned this earlier, but I have a job now. I haven't officially started or anything, but soon I will. I think that I'll like it; it is completely different from my last job. I hated my last job.

I think this one will be good, and it'll be nice to have money again. I get so bored around here sometimes, it's depressing. I don't mind working, I just want to get paid for it. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Day 16

I am typing this from an actual computer. Right now, I'm with Kara and some of her classmates while they are reading a play. She is sitting across from me while I am doing this and watching General Hospital.

It's really funny because this guy is totally flirting with Kara, like for reals it's ridiculous. Like they keep doing these random gestures to eachother. I don't know if she realizes that she is flirting with him; I'm totally going to make fun of her for hours after we are back in our room. AHAHAHHAHAHAH.

So, this weekend I'm going home in order to go to an appointment for my taxes, and to hopefully get my powercord and car. I am praying that everything is done when I get there. Also, if I get my car back, I'm going to get my tongue frenulum pierced. Kara is telling me not to do it, but I really like it.

Eh, I'll just have to wait and see.

Day 15

I don't understand men. I know that I've bitched and moaned about this before, but I will do it again.
It's like, I think I know what men want but then they don't want what I think they do. It just pisses me off to no end.
Sometimes I just think that I'm destined to be alone forever because I can figure out what the hell guys want or like. Obviously they don't like nice, intelligent girls. I don't want to compromise myself for anyone, much less a man.

I guess I'll just have to search the world for the perfect man. I think that I will find him somewhere in Italy. Them Italians seem to be good people with common sense. I'll just have to see.

Day 14

Recently I haven't been in the mood to write about my many problems, and today is no different.
I'm typing this on my Ipod, so it's not as easy. I think that once I get a cord for my computer again I'll write more in depth stuff for this blog. Until then, I will try to keep these entries short and to the point.

I haven't really done anything worth anyone knowing about, but my mom did tell me that my car should be ready by this weekend, so I can take it back to school with me on Sunday. This makes me so happy. I am literally dying without my car. I really don't know how I got along for so long without her. Eloise is my life, basically.

I also can't wait to move into the apartment. Kara and I signed our leases a couple of weeks ago, while Tina signed her today. We don't have a fourth girl, so we are getting one chosen for us. I really hope that we don't get stuck with some bitch. That would piss me the fuck off. We three also know which bedroom that we want and that we are going to have a "family" cooking night once a week. I'm glad I'm moving in with them.

Day 13

So, I had a plan to write something completely different for today but since I'm pissed the fuck off my plan has changed.
It's Valentine's Day and it started off ok. But then it all went to shit within a few hours.
My fuckig power cord to my computer stopped workig last night and stupid me thought I'd be able to find one to buy today. Of course, NOTHING ever goes the way I want it to. It's the sad fucking story of my life.

I don't even know why I bother to do anything ever. Somehong always goes wrong; it's like disaster follows me wherever I am. It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't always happen. Like serious, I think that my life is one big fucking cosmic joke of some sort. Some fucker is up then laughing his ass off at my expense.

Well, it's not fucking funny anymore.

Day 11 & Day 12

I have a legit reason for not blogging yesterday. I woke up at like 4 and left to go somewhere around 6. I didn't get to be on the internet until around 12:30 this morning.

So, it wouldn't have been blogged yesterday anyway.

Since Valentine's day is tomorrow, I've been thinking about men a lot lately. I mean I think about men the majority of the time, but this week it's been more than usual. I just can't understand what they want. Like, for reals.

To me, it seems that guys go for girls who are dumber than them and act like whores. I mean there are exceptions to every rule, but this seems to be the truth. If my rule for men is true, I'm fucked because I am a smart girl and I don't act like a whore.

I like to think that I am an intelligent being. Not that I'm saying most guys are dumb, but I have met A LOT of dumb guys. And stupidity is just one of those things that pisses me off. I have no patience for stupid asses. It's a waste of my time and theirs for me to even talk to them because I hate dumbing myself down for people who are below my level. It's ridiculous and annoying. I may seem like an arrogant bitch, but we all know it's true, I just blatantly put it out there. I seriously think that for most guys smarts is a turn off when it comes to girls. Which, puts me a severe disadvantage.

I am not like the massive amounts of other girls out there; I am completely original. I have yet to see another girl who looks like me looks wise. I'm completely fine with this, it gives me an edge. Sorta. The thing that pisses me off is that I would think that guys would want a girl who doesn't look like everyone else, but apparently not. Maybe there is some sort of miscommunication between me and the man population.

Either that, or maybe I should conform to the majority of the female population.

Day 10

Damnit. I forgot to post this yesterday again.

.....

I can't think of anything really good to write about, so I'm going to keep this really short.

Bye.

Day 09

My roommate and I were talking about our deepest desires and fears. I haven't really thought about it much until now. I realize what my deepest desire is.

My deepest desire is to be understood. It's really cliché and overused, but it's the truth. Nobody knows who I really am; nobody has ever known. The only person people may have known was the younger me, before I became what I am today. I can't really blame anyone but myself. I just don't let people in my head. It's a constant struggle within myself. It's like, I want to people to see me for who I am but the truth is that I'm afraid. I'm afraid of people judging me. This is the most ridiculous notion I have ever heard in my life, but it's what makes me work. This fear stops me from doing so many things in my life; I never make the first move for basically anything. Now, there are exceptions to every rule but for the most part, I don't go first. My future seems especially bleak when it comes to human contact. I don't see myself having very many close contacts as I get older, as much as I want to pretend I can see it, I can't.

I put on a great façade, that I'm this self assured person or that I'm completely happy with myself but this is complete bullshit. I hate myself most of the time and I have pretty low self esteem. I can cover up the fact that I have so many problems very well; I've been doing it for years. I don't want everyone to look at me and feel sorry for me. I know that I'm crazy for thinking that everyone will pity me just because I have problems, but that's just the way I think and feel. I'm a naturally sad person, I believe. I don't want to be this way, it just happened. I am so insecure about myself that it hinders my life. I just don't have the confidence to do all the things I want to. I believe that I'm a good person who a lot of people would like but I don't show it. I don't think that I started out as painfully shy as I am now, but I'm so shy that I feel like I'm trapped inside my head sometimes. I physically feel that I can't say things sometimes. It's quite ridiculous.

There are just so many things in my life that I keep hidden and it's starting to eat me alive. One of these days, I'm going to end up developing a disorder or something serious. I don't know if I can handle all that's going on in my head. I'm actually surprised that I haven't turned to hardcore drugs or anything to cope. I just keep everything bottled up inside. Sometimes I wish that I could just forget everything about my life and start over. If I did, then maybe life wouldn't be so terrible.

Day 08

I'm thinking that somewhere down the line, I may go to law school.

I've always wanted to be a lawyer, but decided that I couldn't defend someone who I knew was guilty. I think that if I were to become a lawyer, I'd want to work for the prosecution. I'd end up working for the district attorney's office or something.

I think that I'd really like it. I'm doing my second major as Criminal Justice and I already love it. The justice system has always fascinated me, but taking this intro class has really solidified my love of it. I actually take the time to read the book and take good notes on the stuff. My second favourite class is my Abnormal Psychology class. This particular area of psychology is what I want to study and have my career focused on.

I want to be a Forensic Psychologist, which basically mixes criminal justice and psychology together. So, it's the best of both worlds. I want to be able to assist the authorities in putting the right people in jail. I also want to work with different types of mental disorders up close. This field really interests me, and I can see myself having a long, fulfilling career.

If I do want to go to law school, it wouldn't be until I've been around the system for a long time. And it depends on what else is going on in my life. I'll just have to wait for the future before I decide.

Day 07

Me thinks I'm going to talk about my roommate in this blog.

I chose to go to my current school for many reasons, one of the most important was that I didn't know basically anyone going here. I even had my roommate chosen for me. Thinking back on it, that was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. She is one of the best and most real people I have ever met.

I hoped with all my might that I didn't get a bitch as a roommate, and I didn't. Although we call each other "bitch" and "whore" it's not meant in a harmful way. When I first met her a couple of months before we moved in, I thought she was really cool and I would get along fine with her. I remember coming home from the lunch and telling my little sister, "Jessie, my roommate is just like me." I didn't know how right I was. It's crazy to think that I could have such a meaningful relationship with someone who was a stranger to me a year ago. I feel like I have known her for so long, yet it has been less than 9 months ago. This may sound really cliche and stupid, but I feel as if I gained somewhat of a sister. She knows more about me than most of my family does. I feel that I can tell her whatever I want, but due to my attitude about sharing my feelings I don't. There are very few people in my life that I can actually count on; she is one of those people.

I sometimes feel that this is just too good to be true, that our friendship will deteriorate at some point. I'm going to try my hardest to make this a lasting thing. So far, the outlook seems pretty good; we are for sure living together in an apartment next year. I think that during that experience we will grow closer. At least, I can hope we will.

I've heard so many horror stories about terrible roommates and I am truly lucky to have such a wonderful roommate. I would not trade her for any other.

Day 06

I can't think of anything extremely significant to my life right now to blog about.

I'm in a really good mood right now.

This is probably the most boring blog ever, but I'm not going to really write anything of any importance. I promise that tomorrow will be a good blog. I just cannot think of anything to write about.

Day 05

Again, I forgot to blog yesterday, so I'm doing yesterday's right now.

As you know, I cut myself.

I understand what I'm doing, but I do not understand WHY I do it.

For more cases, it's because the self mutilator feels powerless or emotionless so the action is done so that they can feel pain. For me, that's not the case. I do feel in control of my life and can express emotions and feel. My problem is that I don't express my feelings. This may play a huge part in why I do this. Because I know that it's wrong, but I do it anyway.

The thought has occurred to me that maybe subconsciously my mind is telling me to do it in order to draw attention to myself, like a cry for help. This is a very possible reason, but I don't know if it is the only reason. I truly believe that one factor is that I like pain. I enjoy getting piercings and tattoos, so it makes sense that I would enjoy this action. I'm always looking to get another piercing or tattoo but I have to stop myself from getting one because of the money issue. Maybe cutting is my way of feeling the pain of getting a piercing or tattoo without actually getting one. Of course, these are only theories. I cannot say what the root of the problem is, but one day I hope to find out what is the cause. I just want to know what drives me to hurt myself in such a way when I know it's bad for me and those around me who know what I do.

I can't say that this couldn't have been avoided. I blame myself for it escalating to the point it is now. A couple of years back, I was cutting almost every week. Like, it was serious. I had to plan inside my mind what arm I was going to cut and different scenarios where it could have been exposed; I had to avoid these at all costs. I even made up lies about my neighbour's cat scratching my hand up one time. It was a real problem. When I get the razor out to cut my skin, my heart races. I make a cut and sometimes I lose track of what I'm doing; it's like I go into a trance. I usually end up making up to 20 shallow cuts on my arm at a time. I have only made about 2 scars throughout the past 5 years this has been going on.

I could have told someone about this, but I didn't. I don't like to let people get too close to me because I feel that they will let me down or judge me or something. I have low self esteem, but would never show it. I hate having people feel sorry for me or thinking that I can't do something. I'll go more in depth about this later.

I truly have deep rooted psychological problems.

And I'm afraid that I can't fix them.

Day 04

Um, not really going to do a formal blog right now because I am in the middle of watching Spirited Away. I am currently alone in the room because my roommate is working tech for a play at a community theatre.

But I saw Howl's Moving Castle today also, and it was FANTASTIC. I would recommend it to anyone.

I'm going to keep this short and to the point, but I promise that I will have better stuff to write about in my next entry.

Day 03

I forgot to blog yesterday, so I'm doing it now and counting it as yesterday.

If you don't like it, sue me.

This particular blog is going to be focusing on the future.

I signed the lease for my apartment today. I can officially move in on 15 August 2010. Just being in the office and signing all of the paperwork made me realize how ridiculously real this is all becoming. I never actually thought about signing shit; I guess I assumed that we would just move in. The fact that we signed all the stuff today is mindboggling because now I have to think about what I want for my room and the kitchen. Have to buy plates and other necessities. I also have to get a job, but hopefully I am close to getting one.

Another crazy face that hit me is that I'll be 20 next year. How ridiculous is that? I never thought that I'd live to be 20. I never got past my teens in my mind when I was younger. 20 was always an unattainable age that didn't seem to happen. Gah, I feel really old thinking about the ages of my siblings and me. Growing up is not something I necessarily want to do, but I know that I have to. I'm kinda nervous about growing up because there are so many things that I haven't learned or experienced. Same thing goes for school. I know that I want to have a career in Forensic Psychology, but I don't know if I have the drive to make it as one. Getting into grad school is not an easy task, and I most definitely have to get in if I want to make a living. I can only hope that I do have the drive to become a doctor in my chosen field of study.

Day 02

Alright, my childhood.

I can't say that my childhood was especially hard or anything, because I had a great childhood.

I don't remember anything being bad until I got to be in middle school.

Now, most kids have that awkward middle school phase and shit. I'm no exception, but around the 6th and 7th grade I began getting really involved in computers and the internet. One summer, I don't remember which, I literally stayed in all summer and read quizzes and stories on a site called Quizilla. I became obsessed with the stupid romance ones about fictional characters and shit, and honestly I wanted to believe in some of the stories. Hell, they were much better than my real life.

I didn't have any kind of bad self image issues until the 8th grade. I began to think I was fat, and I still do to this day. I didn't like my hair or anything about me; I also felt inadequate to others girls because they had boyfriends and shit like that. I also picked up some bad habits. I smoked my first cigarette in 8th grade and began to cut myself.

I remember my first experience cutting myself like it was yesterday. Some girls in my class said something about cutting to me. It sounded like they were accusing me of cutting, but I had never thought about it until that day. So that afternoon I went home and got a pair of manicure scissors and tried to use it like a razor. It didn't really work too well because the skin just kinda puffed up and got red; the skin didn't break. I went over the mark with another pair of scissors and it work. Immediately afterwards I felt that it was a stupid choice and thought that my parents would see it. I was so scared the whole time it was healing. After that day, I began to get, for lack of a better word, skilled at what I was doing. I stole razors from my parents and used them; at one time, I had like 10 razors in my room--hidden. I'll elaborate on this more in a later entry.

I think that once my brother hit 16, everything began to change. We were really close when we were younger but we fell apart somewhere. I honestly don't know how it happened, but it did. If I could give up everything I have to get that relationship we had back, I would do it in a heartbeat. I honestly don't know if we can get back what we had. I want to be close again, but I've been so disappointed by him and I don't know if my heart can take anymore pain. I have cried myself to sleep so many nights over him and I don't want that to happen ever again. I don't know what is going to happen in the future, but I pray that everything turns out ok.

I actually cried while writing this, so I hope my pseudotherapy works out for me.

Because I need it.

Day 01

Ok, so I'm starting over for the daily blog thing.

A lot of shit went on last week and I didn't write everyday.

But now I will. I promise.

I think that I need to do this because I don't really talk about my feelings with anyone when I know that I should. I just really hate having people think less of me or judge me, you know? Counselors are great for some people, but I don't want them to know all of my business. This and I don't want to cry in front of them when I know that I would; there are a lot of feelings bottled up inside of me. Being sentimental and emotional is not really my style.

Eh..

I don't know how long each entry will be, but I'm just going to write about a specific topic for each blog. Hopefully, with time, I'll be able to have all of my feelings out in the open and I will feel some kind of catharsis. That's the goal. Only time will tell.

This is just kinda an informational entry, but the real stuff will start tomorrow. I think I'm going to write about my childhood, or what I remember of it.

STAY TUNED FOR DAILY BLOGGY GOODNESS!

01 February 2010

So I found this random survey thing on some website and I decided to take it.

I am seriously really bored.

Start at 100% and subtract 1 for everything done.
=]

1. Smoked.
2. Drank alcohol.
3. Cried when someone died.
4. Been drunk.
5. Had sex.
6. Been to a concert.
7. Gotten a handjob/fingered.
8. Given a blowjob/ate out someone.
9. Been verbally harassed.
10. Verbally harassed somebody.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 94%

11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/ girlfriend.
15. Been to prom.
16. Cried at school.
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
18. Went streaking.
19. Given or receieved a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 91%

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex’s house.
23. Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25. Went scuba diving.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an x-ray.
28. Hit by a car.
29. Had a party.
30. Done serious drugs.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 84%

31. Played strip anything.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Ran away from home.
34. Broken/sprained a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn.
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
40. Been in love (or thought you were).

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 81%

41. French kissed.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep.
45. Shot a gun.
46. Stabbed yourself.
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Been online for 9 consecutive hours
50. Watched an animal die.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 75%

51. Watched a person die
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53. Pranked somebody.
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into someone’s room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex.
57. Dressed preppy.
58. Dressed goth.
59. Dressed punk.
60. Been to a motorcross race.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 71%

61. Avoided somebody.
62. Been stalked.
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 66%

71. Got caught stealing something.
72. Kicked a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from someone.
74. Went out with your friend’s crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant or gotten someone pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 66%

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you’d be asked out by.
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months.
85. Sat on your butt all day.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR:59%

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100. Been raped.

PERCENTAGE: 55%

I think that I did pretty well, considering some of the question things.

Eh, whatevs.

The Perfect Man...

Alright, so I don't have any men in my life right now and I decided to compose a list of what I think my perfect man would be like.

Kelly's Perfect Man

Personality
1. Good sense of humour/ funny: I don't want a guy who has nothing humourous to say, and doesn't make me laugh. I love to laugh and it's probably the quickest way for someone to get on my good side.
2. Smart: I don't want someone who is dumber than a rock, but I also don't want someone who is a genius either. About my intelligence level would be great.
3. Respectful: This is self explanatory. I don't want him to be a fucking jerk and try to walk all over me.
4. Responsible: Again, self explanatory.

Looks
1. Tall: I don't want a short man, er, he can't be shorter than I am. He has to be at least 5'10. Preferably taller.
2. Muscular: I don't want a little pipsqueak as a man. He has to have some kind of muscle, and preferably abs.
3. Nice Teeth: No snaggletooth or anything for me. He has to have straight, white teeth. No exceptions.
4. Good skin/tan: He has to have smooth skin and be slightly tanned. I have nothing against pale people, but I'd like a man who has some sort of colour to his skin.
5. Thick body: Look, I don't want some skinny ass mofo, but I don't want a guy who is really fat. I want a guy who has some meat on his bones, mostly muscles.
6. Facial hair: I'm into beards and all that jazz.
7. Big, rough hands: Girly hands are not attractive at all. I don't want a man whose hands are the same size as mine and feel the same. I want a guy who has done manual labour with his hands and knows how to use them when the time comes.
8. Sexy: I mean, who doesn't want some fine ass motherfucker as a man. I know I want one.

There you have it, list list of features that I want my perfect man to have. I do feel a little shallow for having more things under looks than under personality. But I don't really care. It's what I want.

Also, I've been really busy to blog every day but I'm going to start again this week. I promise.

Since I blogged this morning, some interesting things have happened. Well, nothing too terribly interesting, but interesting nonetheless.
After I got out of my Criminal Justice class, I went back to my room because I had an hour and a half until my next class. I decided to make a pitcher of Koolaid (I chose Cherry-Pink Lemonade) and went into the bathroom to wash out the pitcher and the spoon. Just prior to this, I had come into the room and refilled the Brita water container in our fridge. Apparently I took the keys off of my belt loop and left them on my bed.

I locked my damn keys in the room.

Of course I didn’t notice this until I looked for my key and it wasn’t there. I was pissed at myself for leaving them in there. I also felt completely helpless. Now listen, I usually don’t feel that way and it bothered me. Feeling like I can’t do something is not something I dwell upon. But anyway, I had to walk all the way over to Scott (which is about 10 minutes from where I am) to get the loan key. The loan key costs $2, but whatever. Then I walked all the way back here and then to Scott again to return the stupid loan key. It was pretty mundane and tiresome.

On a good note, I got a 100 on my first Stats quiz. I’m still pissed that I didn’t get fucking credit for AP Stats last year. DAMN IT.

As you are probably well aware, my life is not the most fun or cool, but I feel like I want to blog every day for at least a year.

Just for the hell of it.
=]

Ideas...

So, I'm in class and I was thinking.
I said to myself, "Kelly, it would be a good idea to write a blog for everyday because you have to life and all that jazz."
Of course, I agreed with me. Thus, I am going to start blogging everyday just for the hell of it.

WHAT I AM WEARING:
jeans, blue shirt with cassette tapes on it, white zip up hoodie, and green Converses.

Ok, so this is just an intro to my daily blogging an I will write some more later because I haven't done anything today. I literally woke up, showered, got ready, ate pizza for breakfast, and came to class. Hopefully later will bring more interesting stuff, but we shall see.
Until then.

Procrastination....

I'm in the bloggy sort of mood right now when I should totally be reading for my class tomorrow. Eh. So far, my classes have all been good and I think that I'm going to do fine this semester. I have my Abnormal Psychology class today at 5:30 until 8:15. The good thing is that it's only once a week.

I'm excited about next year though. I'm like 95% sure that my parents are completely onboard with the whole apartment thing, but one can never be too sure with my parents.
I sent them an email about it yesterday, so I am awaiting their response. Hopefully it will be the one that I want. If they change their minds, I'll have to live on campus with some random people while my friends live in a kick ass apartment off campus. I mean, I'd be over there all the time anyway. Plus, it'd save oodles of money.

Tuscan adventures...

I really want to live in Tuscany, Italy.
I don't care what part, just in a small town in the Tuscan countryside.
The only thing is that I don't know how my career would work out there.
Considering I don't speak Italian.

Me thinks that I want to have a vineyard so I can make my own wine.
It seems like a pretty good business move, being that Italians drink a lot of wine.
I have been looking at homes in Italy for hours; it's pretty bad. I mean, it's not like I'm going to be able to get one soon or anything. I just want to be prepared.

I would just love to wake up every morning to the breathtaking view of the Tuscan countryside.
If it is the last thing I ever do, I will have a house in Tuscany.

I bet my life on it.