I think it's time to just let all of my feelings out into the open.
It isn't good for someone to keep everything bottled up inside; which I tell people all the time, but I'm a hypocrite.
There are so many people I can talk to about my problems or concerns about life and whatnot, but I have problems talking to others about my worries because I think it makes me feel weak.

Which brings me to my problems.
1) I have difficulty opening up to others.
I have a fear of feeling weak or inferior to others. I absolutely hate crying in front of people or talking about my problems because I want to seem strong to them and appear that I have no weaknesses. But in actuality, I do have weaknesses; I am only human afterall. I'm slowly trying to open up to others, but it will take a long time for me to completely tell someone everything.

2)I have a lot of hatred within myself.
I really dislike most human beings I come in contact with, mostly due to my job. Sometimes I feel it would be better if I was a recluse and didn't have a lot of human contact, because I have become somewhat of a misanthrope. I feel as if I don't have any real friends, except for a couple. Everyone else I don't care about furthering a relationship with or anything. Very few people take the time to realize I'm alive, so why should I give a damn about them?

3) I am dreadfully shy in most situations.
Especially in school. I just don't reach out to people in school situations, but if I know that I probably will never see the people ever again, I'm not as shy. I think that some of my shyness stems from my love and preference for reading to human contact. Give me a good book and some music and I'm set for a while. I don't need to talk to someone at all times or be around people for long periods of time. I prefer to be alone.

4) I'm a naturally sad person, I believe.
I have had so many disappointments in my life, that I expect people not to come through for me. I expect the worst out of everybody, which is really sad. I don't mean to be the way I am, but I cannot help how I feel. Mostly at night I, when I think about my life and what has happened to me, I become depressed somewhat and cry, depending on the situation. I am alone and have been alone for most of my life. I am the only one I can depend on for everything. No one has always kept his word and done what was promised. And it hurts to think about all the things I have missed out on because of others.

5) I seem really confident, but I'm not.
I am one of the most cocky people you will ever meet, but I'm not as confident as I seem. I never feel as if I am the best at anything or can become the best. I second guess myself so much, and sometimes my nerves persuade me from not doing something I want to. It takes so much nerve for me to do the littlest things. I have to write notes to people because I get so nervous about talking to them in person, then I make excuses about it.

I am so messed up.
All I really want is someone to take the time to get to know the real me and not judge me for what I do or how I act.
It really hurts when people misunderstand me to ridiculous levels.
What hurts even more is that only one person has tried to break through my shell and understand who I really am.
But even he doesn't understand as well as he thinks he does.
It bothers me that people have perceptions about me, that are not true or will ever be true.

I can only hope for someone to completely understand me from inside and out, but am apprehensive about ever finding said person.
If I do, it will truly be a miracle.